Has the thought of getting canned from your job ever cross your mind when you are hammered?  How about when you have to be at work in a couple hours?  Have you ever felt like just not going to work for no apparent reason?  Me too. 

Here are a few of my favorite excuses to use when I have to call in.

1. Irritable bowel syndrome-  This is one of my favorite excuses to use because it's funny and there is no way you can be expected to work.  You may expect some smart remarks from your co-workers after using this excuse.  Just remember that you will get the last laugh when your condition gets worse and you have to call in sick again the next day.  This works great when they think you are going to show up.  This can be used many times during the year.

2. Funeral- I feel bad suggesting this.  Actually, I don't.  Use this sparingly and only when you are desperate for an excuse to use.

3. Car Problems- This excuse will always work as long as you have a car.  Here's how.  Find a street that has a steady flow of cars that are passing you by.  Pull over on the shoulder.  Get out of your car.  Stand close to the road so your boss can hear the traffic go by when you call in.  If your boss asks for additional information on when you will be in, you should immediately hang up.  You can always claim your phone battery died.

4. Impounded Car-  Your car was impounded in the city and you have no ride.  If your boss asks if you will still come in later on, see if they will loan you $150 to bail your car out.

5. Emergency- Tell your boss there is an emergency that came up.  Don't be specific.  You have the whole day to think of an excuse.

6. Pink Eye- This works most of the time because your co-workers will not want to get infected.

7. Mono- Use this for extended time off.

8. Back Pain- You injured your back doing something and you can't move.

9. Food poisoning- Do I really need to say more?

10. Donated blood- Tell them you are passing out because they drained too much blood from you.  This works with donating plasma too. 

If All Else Fails . . .
If your boss makes you show up despite all your excuses, simply show up looking like crap.  Put your head down on your desk and don't move.  It won't be long before they send you home.  If you want more drama, try pretending you fainted.  When they tell you to go home, be stubborn. Tell them your job comes first.  This episode should buy you at least a week off of work, you prick.